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Kill Story Shakespeare
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101 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
During my absence, I¢ve noticed a precipitous drop both in the quality of kill story encounters and more importantly the quality of kill storytelling. Tell your friends this dearth of inactivity and inarticulate thug narratives (teh dawg¢z tite) are over for the moment. Remember Paul Newman¢s closing line in the Color of Money?

I¢m baaaaaaack !

The first lukewarm spring day of the season brings out higher skirt lines and lower breast lines. The newly donned springtime prostitute garb exposes those hideous assback prison tattoos, bleeding their green ink towards the ass cleft below. Fortunately the front profile offers pleasing visions of tightly wrapped orbs, well at least those not constructed of Playskool materials. But I digress, spring also brings out something else for fresh air, namely hibernating rear wheel drive beasts.

While leisurely cruising, from behind I notice a lowered vehicle, furiously jockeying his way towards the pole position. It is dark at this time and the black vehicle blends neatly into the night so I really can¢t put my finger on the profile. I assume it is nothing more than a lowered S2000 or such similar unworthy competitor, so I continue trying to find the perfect level of bass for the "HumptyDance" on the CD player. The lurking car comes within a couple of car lengths behind me then continues to conspicuously sit in my same blind spot regardless of any changes I make in speed. A 1/4 mile stretch materializes and in one swoop the shadow car swings around the vehicle to my right and I notice a blur start to rocket by my side. My instincts scream at my leg to jam the accelerator pedal through the firewall. I do so, but his initial torque advantage is too much and he edges me out by slightly under 2 lengths to 120. Of course by this time I realize it was an SRT-10 Viper and I am steaming inside at my lack of preparation for the running jump maneuver. He makes a U-turn at the end of the straightaway and we head back in the opposite direction to claim the first two spots at the traffic light. Time for revenge and redemption!

I creep forward to the redlight and the Dodge driver swivels his shaved noggin in my direction and the first words out of his crooked smile are "n-eye-z Zoooopra" in a distinctive Russian accent, and I respond "Da" in a feigned cosmonaut accent followed by "Is ready for fair race?". I notice the light changing in the perpendicular direction and realize that I will have little time for further mocking banter so I will have to let the vehicle do the talking and mocking. I rapidly smoke the rears and send a solid cloud of gray smoke towards his claustrophobic cockpit. He recognizes the routine and gets his Chechen rebel gameface on, as he brings up the RPMs. I swear I can hear him utter "I must break you" but it¢s probably the accumulation of uncatalyzed fumes affecting my concentration. The light flashes green and his launch is average at best as I place 3 and change lengths between the Chrysler and myself to 90+. I glance over for the post-game show conversation but he proceeds to make the first right and assumedly head in the direction of the local pierogi shop.
 

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"When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to be real nice and sweet and treat her right, while the other side of me is wondering what her head would look like on a stick."

Were you out returning some videotapes?
 

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Heh well written. Nice to hear someone in the kill section with a full grasp of the English langauge, which is more than I can say for a lot of people here, not to even BEGIN to discuss the crap writing in the Off Topic section..........
 
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Thats great good stuff!!!!!!!!


I think you did one last year with a guy in a camaro and a mullit I loved it.

I think back to that one and just laugh.

Jeff
 

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Kill Story Shakespeare
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101 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Thank you for the compliments. As time permits I will cheerfully provide further amusing anecdotes from numerous past encounters. I find the verbal interaction with the testesterone-simmering opponent typically more enjoyable than the actual race itself.


Max power:

The LS1 mullet clipping story can be found here for your entertainment. Enjoy and please share with friends, family, and mistresses.

http://www.supraforums.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190500




Eagleye:

Do you want me to fry you up some potato pancakes, some latkes?
 

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Moderator, l337 M0d3r4t0r
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12,147 Posts
HAHAHA excellent.. I love it.. I do miss all the good kill stories... nothing better then to add a video to the kill stories. Too bad they go to the multi media forum now.
 
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