well its not the resistor or relay, I've got two of them here and they both have the same resistance, and are acceptable according to the tsrm specification.
for reference, here are my values:
+B - FP - 0 ohms
+B - FPR - ~78.5 ohms
+B - PR - no continuity
resistor terminals - ~0.8 ohms
From this i deduce that my problem is voltage-related. By jumpering +B and FP at the diagnostic block, the pump is effectively switched to 12V mode. When I let my car idle, my voltage is the shits, often dipping below 12 V (head lights dim considerably, etc), which would result in reduced voltage fed to the pump, causing the fuel pressure to drop. When I put my car back together, I'm gonna go with a new alternator, hopefully this fixes the problem.