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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm sitting at a traffic light on Eisenhower Avenue in Alexandria, Virgina coming home from work rocking the 1968 oldsmobile toronado with "safety dance" at full volume when some I hear a whistling blow off valve salute beside me and look over to see some weasel moving his crunked up mouth at me.

I turn down the awesome tune, hit the electric window, and just start talking over his jabbering by loudly reading the installation instructions I had for a walbro fuel pump and finally stop to say......"what?.....you really want to race me in front drive car that has pretend all wheel drive?"(mistubishi 3000gt vr-4)......."how about from a roll?"

Nope......he wasn't as stupid as he looked and wanted to go on the green.

I said "what's my incentive to kickfvck your car made by the same company who's fighter plane lost WW2 for the japanese?"

Well.....he held up two klondike bars which is a big motivator for me being six five, 180 pounds, and able to eat whatever I want......the race was on!!

Left turn light goes green and he false launches for a second and I shake my head which prompts the finger from both him and his girl that sported an adams apple.

False alarm.....bastard almost drew me offsides as well.

I slowly exhale like Carlos Hatcock putting a bullet through an adversary's scope in nam and cut an awesome light getting at least half a length before the 3000gt's center differential whines "just once more and I'm done" and he comes out of the hole hard.

My skinny arms went "bruce lee" taut as I fought all 500 ft/pounds of torque and 530hp that translated the torque steer up through the steering column as he went past.

I almost wished I hadn't unshrouded the valves on the "F head" topped 455 since it stole a little bit of low end torque and raised the rpms of peak HP to higher than I like to rev oldsmobiles.

I settled down and let off to gain traction...

By then, he had 3 lengths on me and was waving back at me but I just smiled watching the worry quickly spread across his face as the secondaries of the modded 890cfm quadrabog slowly opened and the deafening 4 barrel intake sound drowned out even his shrill exhaust note.

His expression was the opposite of that slow smile Dennis Quaid displayed while playing gordon cooper streaking into space in "the right stuff" because it went from smile to frown faster than christopher walken can go from normal to batshit crazy.

As I reeled him in, he slowly swerved toward me trying to pinch me off into the median but I didn't budge and he impaled his driver's door on my very impressive front bumper causing his car to spin across the front of my car and over the curbs of the median and knock all 4 wheels smooth off of his car leaving him wheelless in the median as his 8 hole universal fit rims rolled off into the distance.

I stopped and asked if he was ok as he walked toward my car with murderous intent in his eyes and I opened up my door, plopped out my size 13s and stood to my full height.

He immediately stopped, went back to his car and reached into the back through the open window for what I was sure would be a gun.

It wasn't.....it was a karate gi from a local McDojo and my predator reflex kicked in like a hungry mantis shrimp sizing up a fiddler crab.

He comes up and gives me a "Nick Diaz angry face" and says he's going to take out the damage to his car on my body.

He made sure I saw the black belt on his karate gi by flipping it as he struck his stiff ass'd horse stance vogue and that was all it took...........it was go time!

I held up one finger to him in a "pause bitch" gesture and pretended to kneel to tie my shoe and "CHEEEYAH"........I hit him with a banned Ashida Kim technique called "monkey steals the peach" (shown below).



Bruce Campbell yelling "that's gotta hurt" went through my mind as I raked his gook so hard that even Reggie Warren Jr. would have been impressed with my inverted tiger claw.

His heart might have stopped but his mouth sure didn't as he let loose a sound like a set of bagpipes being fallen onto by a drunken scotsman.

I yelled "that's street" and struck the football referee "touchdown gesture" while the groaning slowly dissipated into whining and walked to the curb (sideline) to recieve the yellow card foul from my imaginary referee friend who officiates over everything that I do with his rulings.

I collected both half melted Klondike bars from his thai ladyboy friend making sure the seal was still good on them and scarfed all 1000 calories in 11 seconds while pulling away toward my Mclean, VA,. destination with one eye on the gas gauge.
 

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Im A Fuking Ninja!!!
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wow this was a total waste of time!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I couldn't figure out any other way to pull off the"monkey steals the peach" reference and got just a little carried away............just a little.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
Yes, you are confused....... and your pathetic attempt at trying to spin this tale of warrior spirit toward teh gay has been noted.

Perhaps you are lashing out because you rue the lack of my "swaping" an engine of "stabing" the gas pedal as I fly past the "looser" victim of my race.

This story is easily as "real" as 50% of the posts in this forum so maybe it's my way at poking fun at the horribly written or just flat out untrue posts that make reading kills stories about as fun as a job sweeping a sidewalk.

Get with it dude.....life is good....have some fun.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
LOL.....as if join date has anything to do with jack shite.

I'll venture a bet I've been working on supras longer than you have been alive and my knowledge of them (or any other car, boat, plane..etc) fully eclipses yours.
 

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Discussion Starter #17 (Edited)
Sorry dude.....I already took the "relax....life is good" attitude in that post way up there^^^.......so you're stuck with the angry tone as your "stance".
 

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Wow....got enough metaphors and simile's jeesh. Overall fairly funny story...kinda long though. Not quite sure if it's true but still a somewhat interesting story to pass 5 minutes when you're bored.
 
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