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4,205 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Craigslist bitchslap


Originally Posted by Al on Craigs List

To the Guy Who Mugged Me In Downtown Georgetown

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I

hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my wife. You also

asked for my wife's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you

took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that

evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my wife had just bought

me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up

a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very

intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever

you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm

sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell

phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your

buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling

your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining

to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave

your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Smiths restaurant, along with

all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a


I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on

your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down

the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I

don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut

off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the

DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants.....I know that I was a little rough on you when

you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to

you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.

I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What

brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you

walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of

path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

Peace! - Al

1,890 Posts
I bet the reality of the situation is the poster got jacked and was so pissed off he decided to do a little exercise in creative writing.

Super Moderator, Piss me off. I dare you.
12,619 Posts
Repost-o-rama, but a good one.

Wingless FTW
594 Posts
Georgetown... MD? If so, I want to know how he got a CCW permit. I was shut down in a hurry when I applied, but only after they took my application fee of course.

1,719 Posts

that guy should have had the mugger walk home nekkid.

I need a 6 speed
324 Posts
Ownage? maybe if he had a pic or the guy replied but he probably didn't even read it and like others said who's to say its not just made up.

King of the Jungle
1,265 Posts
This really happened to a friend of mine here in Seattle in a parking garage. Three kids armed with razors tried to carjack his BMW and he pulled a pistol on them, got all of their shoes/cells/wallets and told them he'd call their moms if they tried to hunt him down. He's a big motherfucker with a psycho looking lazy eye so he's especially scary to mess with. Kids these days...

Guidando su due rotelle
1,908 Posts
Georgetown = DC which leads me this is BS unless your are law enforcement it is highly unlikely he had a legal CCW

Oh and MD CCW laws are complete utter BS
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