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· Kill Story King
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1,046 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
July 4th is chalk full of activities, and being the person that I am, I love activities. So on the 4th of July instead of packing a cooler full of my favorite beer, I packed the Cressida full with my family using the holiday as a means to take the car out on a beautiful day and to enjoy it with my loving family…

I should stop right there. First of all the above is horse shit because everyone that is married or has a friend that is married knows that love in marriage is more widely used during sex and when saying goodbye on the phone. It’s more of a cockblock in the latter sense then anything and your wife knows it.

So let me first enter you in my dysfunctional world. My wife is from South America; if that doesn’t throw up a red flag let me say this she is a Latin woman. She daily drives a brand new Lexus and thinks my 1989, white pearl, Cressida is not even worthy of being placed in a junkyard let alone on the road. She likes cars that follow “The Pursuit of Perfection”, vented seats, navigation, cup holders and A/C. What she fails to realize is that my car has cup holders she just can’t find them, now, “Moving Forward”! Her son who lives with us full time is from her previous marriage and is a wonderful 9 year old boy who really sees the world through his over protective mother’s eyes, so he still believes in Santa, thinks the world is a wonderful place, and, oh yeah, he doesn’t know that people die.

Moving back on tangent and back to the story let us talk about the activities and the “event” that preceded them.

Our day was planned out like a grocery list that was pinned to the refrigerator the night before, I just happened to add some comments.

Wake up … What if we die in our sleep!!!
9:00AM Breakfast … Yummy
10:00AM Car Show … Finally something I wanna do.
12:00PM Lunch … Yummy
Etc etc.

You get the idea, we put our silverware in plastic containers, and our sink smells of salvia… Some call it OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Discord), I call it OFM (Oh Fuck Me)

So let us skip ahead to 12:41 pm. We are done eating and getting ready to go to a friend’s to watch the fireworks, we haven’t had any serious fights, yet, the kid isn’t covered in something he ate, so today is going well, right? We hop back into the car which has been preheated by the sun to about 450 degrees and begin navigating our way out of the parking lot. We turn out of the restaurant and wouldn’t you know it. A few nice cars from the car show are leaving together as well. They were the types that weren’t in the show but brought their nice toys out to come have a look, kind of like me, but my car lacked the “nice”. So we all start to bottle neck at a light, which had two turning lanes, one to go southbound on the highway and one to go northbound. Makes sense to you and I, but explaining in case your wife ends up reading this, because mine didn’t really get it at first.

So at the light everyone is complimenting one another about their cars and boasting about their horsepower, torque, rims, you name it the bullshit was knee deep. My family was doing more panting and hanging out of the windows gasping for air then listening or talking so I didn’t participate, I just slowly cooked. In front of me was a very nice RX-8 with Mazdaspeed stickers all over the car. I imagined the car looked real nice under all those pieces of flare and it did sound real good, but I was sure he didn’t notice me. We were both headed northbound and sat 1 and 2 respectively at the light. I knew my wife would kill me if I raced this guy as she was already snarling at the people doing baby burnouts. I couldn’t participate even though I could have used the ole “everyone was doing it” excuse. Which doesn’t ever work, but could disrupt an argument quickly and the noise of my car at 70 makes even yelling difficult to hear, so at least if I did what I thought I was gonna do, I wouldn’t have to hear about it for another 30 minutes, and we would be at a friends house so I really wouldn’t hear about it till later that night, and if I drank too much and she drove us home I could pass out, and then there was the next day rule.

The light changed, to green of course, and everyone was keeping their cars at a healthy rumble. Going up the on ramp I decided to keep close to the RX-8. My wife really was enjoying the relief of the wind on her face as it hung out the window and cooled her sweat. She didn’t even pay mind to notice what was about to go down. As we approached the highway it was a ghost town. I guess most people get to where they are going and then don’t move because it felt like it was just me and the Mazda. I pulled out to the middle lane and made sure to stay in a low gear to let him know this family filled car was down to play. There was no 3 horns, no screaming 1.2.3… simply as soon as I was next to him he hit it. So I did what came natural, prayed to God, said sorry to my wife, and looked back to the boy and smiled.

I nailed it, all 17 pounds of it. When I was next to him we were doing about 60, but now we were climbing 70, 80, 90, 100… My wife yelled, “MATTHEW SLOW DOWN!!!”, the car didn’t drown out her shrill cry, my mind said quietly “I’m sorry honey”, but I did nothing. I was on his trunk and gaining 110, her son was clapping and cheering, 115 we were looking into the driver seat, 120, wife yells at her son “QUIET!”, but we had done it, we had a slight edge, 130, HOLY shit my family and I are doing a buck 130, I am going to hell. Then at 135 we shut down, and not a moment to late, I was safely a car ahead, my wife’s head didn’t explode, which saved me the father son talk about life and death, the car was in one piece; therefore, we were all right. I was getting an earful as we backed down to normal speeds, and at about 80, I got the punched in the arm, and a slew of “stupid” comments were made, some English and some Spanish. My heart was racing to fast to hear. We didn’t talk for the rest of the day, which was kind of nice, and we had make up sex that night, so double kill in my book!
 

· Registered
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13,982 Posts
excellent story! Congrats.

Being a married guy myself, my favorite parts were "...the next day rule" and the "make up sex that night" parts. Being a car guy, I also always enjoy hearing about your Cressida.
 

· Registered
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2,753 Posts
Wow what a well written story. I thought I was reading "American Beauty II" accept with a happy ending.
 

· Hardtopper
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522 Posts
"We didn’t talk for the rest of the day, which was kind of nice, and we had make up sex that night, so double kill in my book"!

^^^^^ Classic
 

· Kill Story King
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1,046 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
"We didn’t talk for the rest of the day, which was kind of nice, and we had make up sex that night, so double kill in my book"!

^^^^^ Classic
Thanks for all the comments!!! I got in another pissing contest with a BRIGHT orange c5 vette so another story will come very soon!
 

· They giggle
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9,867 Posts
You're a horribe human being for endangering your wife and kid's life. Burn in hell. :rolleyes:










































Just kidding. :rofl: Awesome story and what a great sense of humor you have, haha. I pictured what I read in my mind and it was awesome. :bigthumb:
 

· The Great Kruso
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4,230 Posts
Lol.... story telling skills FTW, very descriptive! Btw, I had a cressida for a while, the 7M in it was very dissappointing but the A/C controls kept me amused (only cressida owners know).

Kruso
 

· Im A Fuking Ninja!!!
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6,330 Posts
hahah, great read, awsome sense of humor
 
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