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Kill Story King
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918 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Alright so far I have gotten zero acknowledgement, no props, thumbs up, smile, or even a fart in my general direction in my current ride from anyone. Not a soul.

Whats a Pale Horse?

The Pale Horse is the name I have given my 1989 (see sig with links to my build thread) Toyota Cressida. What is a Cressida to the middle age, over aggressive mustang owner, or the posh s2000 owner? A piece of white glowing shit with an overly annoying GIANT coffee can attached to it. What is it suppose to be? A living breathing stealth fighter running wild on a highway in your Tampa Bay Area!

So whats my kill story!

Kill 1 : Aggressive mustang owner with a "chip" not only "in" his car, but "on" his shoulder.

So I am minding my own business on US 19 today (anyone from Tampa knows the road) for those that don't imagine a not so highway usually packed to the teeth with people and repeating mini malls that can make anyone feel like they are suffering from alsheimer's. Although on this day it was a lonely stretch of road. The sun was out, birds were chirping and I was just "minding my own business", when... Out of no were from the on ramp stormed a black mustang. The owner younger, military hair cut, and large black Raybands (hater blockers) quickly saw my POS with the large exhaust and hood pins and thought!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH today I get to flex my v-8in metal cock in another mans exhaust pipe cause yeah that’s not gay...

Anyways he decided to slow up and I broke him down to about 40mph dropped gear, and let the bees lose! Obviously this noise angers the typical mustang owner and he lowered the passenger window, tilted his glasses down, laughed and ZOOM ZOOM-ed. I knew I could with stand a hit from a stock mustard, so I just followed suit after I heard the zoom-zoom. SO after I walk him, he is in disbelief. Like the entire FORD power plant botched! Made a mistake! They sold him a car that could not take down the PALE HORSE!!! How could this be MR. FORD!!! So after we slowed down we hit a light together. NOW this was where he was going to show me!!! This was his moment! B/c right behind him was a NEW mustang his was maybe 1999 this was 09! And driving it was none other then ... Christie Brinkley (sp. and I am lying) but it was a cute girl, so SURELY he couldn't lose now. What he didn't know was the pale horse was built for the launch!!! 4.30 as end big 245 Firehawks on the ass!!! It was on. The light changed and I swear toy you I am lying but my car lifted to the sky and never looked back. I took more cars then needed only to notice that his lose ANGERED the man. It made him Angry... So I did what ever owner should do. I pulled to the side of the road made faces at him willing making rowing motions with my hands and arms. He told me he was going to beat me up, but he just kept driving!

So the S2000!!! Well that is a story I will have to edit in tomorrow as my wife is telling me its bedtime! MAUAHAHAH

Pale Horse 1 - 0

Kill 2 : Johnny et alt and his S2000 with over 1 million dollars invested in sticker sponsors

Alright so my second kill was not really what I had wanted to be as I am not one to speed on low mph roads just to get off on the fact that TPH (The Pale Horse) beat up your honor student's car. But this was justified. I was on Park BLVD, which basically is not a highway but carries with it all the scenic variety of a typical Florida road. A gas station on every corner with a dueling Walgreens and CVS opposite one another interlaced with various strip mails containing everything from boiled peanuts to Starbucks. On this day though there was a train of S2000's seemingly making their retreat back over to the Pinellas County side of things. These S2000's were different. They contained about 200hp in stickers, the ever popular Boeing 747 rear wing and dual exhaust. The stickers ranged from Grand Prix stickers to shop stickers, to hello kitty sticker children must have snuck on there when the pompous Johnny Tran was not looking. So in there unique fighter pilot pattern that rivaled the blue angels there must have been an oath to go really, really fucking slow. (Slow beyond slow, a slow that some seniors can not achieve due to the chance to fall asleep.) Regardless I knew I had to brake the dull drone of their harmonic mufflers. So what did I do?

I acted like a douche bag. How does one accomplish this? Easy. Like a child trying to get the attention of a great ape at Busch Gardens I basically (again I am exaggerating) began pound on the glass whilst making faces. Additionally I was trying to make loud grunting noises resembling perhaps a prehistoric mating ritual trying to provoke the beast. Well it worked!!! By god did it ever. One decided to eclipse the 25mph range and line up next to me. His head remained focus on the road ahead. I knew I was going to take a hit, and I knew it wasn't going to be pretty as he was el professional with all those stickers! So I waited, listening to him go from 2nd to 1st gear. LOADING up on his clutch, I began to brake boost, waiting, hoping he would fall victim to TPH (see above for explanation of TPH).

IT WAS ON!!! He floored it hoping to gain leaps and bounds over my car, but it wasn't going down like that I began to walk up on his car and his face no longer focused on the road, no not at this moment. It was focused on me and the large smile that I presented him with as the sun reflected off my pearly whites. The dismay that swept across his face could have been a priceless excerpt from a Mastercard commercial. He backed off the throttle and fled bad to the pack of like cars in his squad. They immediately all retired to a 7-11 perhaps for some Big Gulps to talk about all the reasons that his car bested mine, but still lost. I know that talk all to well. That if he had the hyper boost throttle puppy engaged with the pinion over gear enabled it would have been his day, but! You know what!!!

TPH does not care for excuses!!! No it does not! Run what you brung and if you defeat TPH, know TPH is still just a POS Cressida with a lonely geospatial analyst at the helm, who has the tales to tell!!!

TPH 2-0
 

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Stock Body Supras FTW
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1,223 Posts
That was a good read lol. You never told me you called it the pale horse.

PS: when you get a chance call me.
 

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Kill Story King
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918 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Ryan so sorry it has taken so long to call you. Will get on it this weekend. We had a big project that went live yesterday morning so I have been busy up till then (as you can see I relaxed and wrote a story)

Topgun Check out my sig it has all the specs/mods of the car.

Writing S2000 part now : P
 

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ESE CULO
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2,962 Posts
Haha, I love Cressida's! Uncle has one that's a sleeper too. Nice kills, wish I could enjoy your satisfaction as well lol.

So how did you find out the Mustang had a chip? And what happened afterwards, did the 09 do anything as well?

And with the s2000, you didn't punch it as much as you could have right? You just caught up in a "casual manner" to grin at him showing you could keep up?

Anyway apart from that, it's hilarious, oh if we only had more jackasses like that here.
 

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Kill Story King
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918 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Haha, I love Cressida's! Uncle has one that's a sleeper too. Nice kills, wish I could enjoy your satisfaction as well lol.

So how did you find out the Mustang had a chip? And what happened afterwards, did the 09 do anything as well?

And with the s2000, you didn't punch it as much as you could have right? You just caught up in a "casual manner" to grin at him showing you could keep up?

Anyway apart from that, it's hilarious, oh if we only had more jackasses like that here.

Oh well I didn't add it into the story, but after I got out of my car the guy came back around :p. I was already in my car and didn't notice but he got right behind me at the light and start attacking like his car was the shit. Reving it, screaming and yelling at me. So I made sure at the next light to swing over into the next lane at the last minute so he could get a rematch. Once we were next to each other and he didn't want anything to do with me. He turned up his music, I tried to ask him "what he did" to his car but he just told me it had a chip, and I was to not ask so many questions or he was gonna hurt me. When the light hit I launched and never saw him again. I did see his middle finger hanging down in my rear view. The 09 didn't do anything, she just kept driving not even caring :p

The S2000 and the mustang where only on the spring, so I didn't have lo or high boost running. I pull 10 psi on that alone. I was in traffic to some degree with the s2000 and was showing him he wasn't going to leave me in the dust, just keeping up to not let him over in my lane so he could take me over :p Wasn't about to hit 100 mph on a 45 mph road you know.
 

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serbian by blood!!!
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1,675 Posts
i need to write a descriptive essay soon...how much you charge..


nice story..
 

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Registered
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101 Posts
nice kills! creatively written but dont dig your writing style. as for the car though, ive been a cressida fan since i saw one in the junkyard and saw the 7MGE in it.
 

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DJ/Producer
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1,309 Posts
that was one of the best stories ive ever read definetly worth all of the 7 mins it took to read it
 

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Registered
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644 Posts
I have a White 1989 Cressida with a 2JZ swap too. i think my open wastegate scates people away.

Wicked runs man, gotta represent for the Cress
 

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MKIV Fanatic
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457 Posts
Your artistic / linguistic poetry of valliant defiance against all odds has really got me going into my monitor! That was a great story, and I'm glad you showed those pansies what's up :D Toyota in the house!!
 
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